Episode 21 - Wildly Beloved with Serena Sevits

Anni and lifelong best friend Serena explore the beautiful reality of our belovedness

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Transcript

Welcome to season two of Barely Christian, Fully Christian.

I'm your host, Anni Ponder, and I'm so glad you've stopped by for the conversation about loving Jesus, being repulsed by the un-Christ likeness of so much of what the world sees from Christianity, and my personal favorite, honoring the Holy Spirit as the Divine Mother, or as I call her, Mama God.

Today, I am so, so, so delighted to share this conversation with my lifelong best friend, soul sister, and partner in the journey.

Serena and I have literally grown up together.

We met when we were 15 and loved each other instantly.

We've weathered all the things together, and we've cheered each other on as we have learned how wildly beloved we are.

She is one of the wisest, most compassionate, bestest people in the world.

And I cannot wait another moment to share her with you.

I am really excited to invite Serena Sevits to have a conversation about who knows.

We'll figure it out when we get there.

But just so you know who she is and what she does in this world, I'll let her tell you.

So Serena, who are you and what do you do in this world?

Who am I?

I am a mother.

I am a traveler.

I am a book devourer.

Also a food devourer.

I really like food a lot.

And I am working towards my certification in life coaching, which I have felt called to.

And you in particular have done me the great favor of reminding me that I am a good remember of people's stories.

Yes.

And that I remind people who they are.

And that really ties into life coaching.

And so I decided that I would like to be a whole body wellness coach, which means I help people reconnect with themselves on every level, emotional, mental, physical, spiritual, and even within the spaces that they live and work in.

And I really believe our environments reflect and influence our inner world.

So spatial wellness is a big part of the journey, too.

And so I help clients uncover their most authentic, deep self, the version of them that often gets buried under stress, expectations, or just the busyness of life.

And I like to hold a safe space for them that's non-judgmental and empowering, so they can explore and heal and grow into the best person that they are.

So basically, you're just yourself and people pay you to talk with them while you are being yourself.

And then they make discoveries and grow.

That's the idea.

But the beautiful thing is that life coaching, people will come to a life coach and say, I want you to help me solve this problem.

And the thing that we hold dear within life coaching is that our clients are whole and complete and they can empower themselves.

And so it's more of a friendship journey almost.

So it's kind of between best friend and therapist.

It's kind of in the middle of that.

So we walk alongside the client and we ask some really deep, open-ended questions to help them arrive at that aha moment on their own.

Because we all know that if you get to that aha moment on your own, then you're much more likely to follow up with it and keep whatever discovery you've had.

Because then it's yours, not somebody told me I have to do this.

But if you have arrived and I just I haven't heard you talk about this before, but it's something that we both know intrinsically that you said this starts with the assumption that your clients are whole and complete already.

They are not sourceful, missing parts.

They are not broken people that you have to put back together.

Correct.

Wow.

I think that's phenomenal and such a far cry from the sort of mindset that you and I were raised with.

This very, you know, the heart is deceitful and dark and can't be trusted.

And you're not a good person and you need, you know, all of this help and fixing in order to be acceptable to God.

And this is kind of the opposite of that.

It's the recognition of the God who lives in you.

Like there is God, there is light in you.

And then like, let me help you remember that.

Yes.

And the forgiveness and the growth that comes along with learning the lessons the hard way so that you don't repeat them again, which is, I think, you know, and there are so many things about the churches that we grew up in that are beautiful things.

Absolutely.

I want to preface this whole statement by saying, I have found so much love and joy and value in the church that I grew up in, but also there are things where I frequently will just, I'm going to raise my hand here.

I know you can't see this on the podcast and just say, I have questions.

Why?

You know, and I feel like the mindset that we were raised in where it's the, well, this thing could lead to something bad.

So instead of teaching yourself self-control or talking about moderation, we're just going to avoid the thing altogether.

We're going to wipe it off the slate, and then there's going to be a lot of guilt involved and shaming not only from the people that knew about it, but from the people that then heard it through the grapevine.

And that is something that you carry.

I mean, still, we're still working through.

We are still weeding this part out of our garden.

Like, oh, there's another, like when you were speaking of, yes, instead of learning to harness the power that we have and learn moderation, self-control, and agency.

Yeah, so a great example is dancing.

So our particular faith tradition, which I appreciate you prefacing.

I am always quick to say, I'm so grateful for my heritage.

Oh, yes.

It was tremendously good.

And also, I'm still recovering from it.

So there's that.

So in our upbringing, dancing was not allowed because it might lead to sexual activity outside of marriage was the real threat.

And so for me, who like my prayer, when I really am in prayer, my body wants to get involved and I end up dancing, nothing with like steps that anyone could recognize, although I've got a little sign on my board out there, that says, if you can describe a dance, then it's not a very good dance.

So that's-

You're doing it wrong.

Yeah, right.

So the kind of free form movement, the embodied expression of my prayer, of my faith, of my love for God, and of my understanding of my belovedness, there was never a place for that because I learned that dancing equals bad.

And so my adult years have been a process of remembering my dancing self.

I've got this picture of me when I'm three.

And I'm at my aunt's wedding, and they put bells in my dress.

They sewed them into the hemline.

So you can imagine that I needed to make those bells sound at every opportunity.

And so this picture of myself that I have is just mid-twist turn, you know, my heels are in the air.

It's just like, there I am.

And I've had to do a lot of work to uncover that part of myself, dig out my true essence from underneath all of the layers of shame.

And, you know, in reality, it's not a bad thing to say, okay, dancing could lead to something that's harmful for you and other people, which I mean, the whole conversation about sexuality is another one.

And I'm not trying to give any hard judgments here, but the logic being like, let's just play it safe and not dance because it could be harmful.

I can even appreciate that.

Like, oh, they were trying to keep us safe.

Right.

Right.

So that's a good thing.

It's like what we do with our children.

Right.

And they had no idea how damaging it was.

Correct.

Yeah.

Because you lose, there's such a beautiful connection to a deep level of joy when I see you dance.

And so, and you know, I don't know if everyone experiences that, but that's part of you.

Yeah.

It's who you are.

It's at your deepest level.

And so to repress that, you weren't accessing that joy.

Right.

Yeah.

What is one example for you?

So dancing is definitely a me thing.

I recognize that.

That was off the table, repress, don't do this, that you have remembered about yourself and had to work to reclaim as you have gone through the process of making your faith truly your own.

Hmm.

I don't think there's one particular thing.

I remember just feeling when I was younger, that there were so many rules that didn't make sense.

And I'm gonna bring up a really overused one, probably, which was the swimming.

Oh, the swimming rule.

So, there was no going above your knees in the water on Sabbath.

Right.

Because then that would be doing work, I think is the way that it was explained to me.

Yeah, that sounds right.

Yeah.

And so, oh no, I have an even better one.

The Sabbath in general.

Well, yes.

So, the 24 hours from sundown to sundown that are considered the Sabbath.

And it seemed like there was a really long list of things that we couldn't do during that time period.

And I remember feeling at one point, first annoyed, when I was being told all the time, no, you can't do that.

Right.

And then that moved to, well then, what can we do?

Because I'm realizing that this is supposed to be a day of fellowship and peace.

Goodness.

Yeah, healing and recovery.

And as I started to realize that, I think probably in my teenage years, but before we went to boarding academy, I was wondering, okay, but then what are the activities that we're supposed to do?

And I remember asking my mom that, and she lit up.

She was like, let's go outside.

Let's spend time in God's nature.

And I remember at that point, I think it was right at the beginning of the summer, because we then, as a family and as a church group, launched this multi-year, anytime the weather was not just pouring down rain in Oregon, we would be out hiking on a Sabbath afternoon.

And it's such a beautiful marriage of family love and God love and nature love.

And that's why when we met Collette and we did the outdoor church, oh goodness.

Wild church.

What a beautiful, thank you.

What a beautiful experience.

So I think that was the biggest one, was probably the restrictions.

Right.

And again, like you can't do these things.

But then let's get into what we can do and what we choose to do that brings us that joy and fellowship and connection.

Yeah, I think that's right.

I mean, I can so relate to the just wondering if is Sabbath really supposed to be this great time?

Because there's just all these rules.

And then finding Guy and I actually practice Sabbath now.

And so I am very keen to be very specific with my children.

Like, let's find things that we do that we are enjoying, that we're able to rest, that there isn't the element of stress.

Like, what would you like to do that's interactive?

And so I think it is a process of undoing the messaging that came in sideways, unintentionally, and I hold no ill will toward these wonderful people, and reclaiming what was good about their intentions, and then reframing the conversation in a way that is germane to who I am, and to who we are as people, and what we really truly need to embody our faith, and practice it, and I was thinking as you were talking, I wonder how many of these prohibitions that were placed upon us were not only because like, oh, this thing could lead to that bad thing, so let's not do this thing at all, but also because they assume the opposite of what you assume in your coaching business.

It's like I said, that verse where I'm not going to get too theologically nerdy right now.

I'm for those who don't know, in the midst of studying theology and really loving it.

So everything I think about right now has a tie back to this.

So let me just go off in the weeds for one second.

So that verse, I don't remember where it is.

I think it's an Old Testament verse.

Like the heart is deceitful above all things.

If you go down the etymology of the root about it's deceitful, that sometimes is translated as dark, which in our white supremacist culture, we equate white with good and black with bad, you know, the whole thing.

And so it means like your heart is bad.

But the actual meaning behind that word is your heart is deep.

Oh.

Right?

Yeah.

Okay.

That's an interesting translation, how they arrive to dark and deceitful from deep.

Yeah.

Right?

Yeah.

So we were kind of raised to be very suspicious of anything that came out of our hearts because they were dark and deceitful.

When really, if we want to go back to the actual verbiage, it's your heart has depth.

So let's just take a moment to consider all that needs to be undone there because, and this is something that I've noticed in my own church now, like there is this constant push from many folks to call myself a sinner.

Oh.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner, right?

That's the prayer that is prayed often.

And I have pushed back against that in many different circles.

And I often find that people are afraid when I start talking that what I really am saying is I don't ever mess up.

I don't need to say that anymore because I don't have any sin.

And I just need to clarify, that's not at all what I'm saying.

But what I am saying is, like, I don't label myself that, because in my walk with Jesus, He's never once called me that word.

He's never told me, hey, what's up, sinner?

Like, to remind me of my depraved nature.

He calls me beautiful things that remind me of my true core self, which is, as one of my guests on here, Spencer LaJoy said, we're made of the good stuff.

Right?

And so to remember that kind of reframes the entire conversation.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We're made of the good stuff.

Exactly.

And why would we ever want to, you know, let's take, for example, our children, we're not going to go around and call them by a nickname that is derogatory and, you know, bringing down of their spirit.

Right.

We are going to call them beloved and all sorts of cute nicknames.

I personally would love to know what nicknames God has for me.

You could ask.

You'll still be hearing them.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think that's true.

And that's something that you and I have.

It's been our joy to discover.

You know, we've been parents for how old is Devin?

Twenty.

So we've been parents.

You started and then I followed and then you did it again and then I did it again.

So for two decades, we've been walking in this sort of awareness of, oh, first of all, the love that you hopefully naturally feel toward your children kind of changes the narrative and you're like, oh, if God is our parent and I feel this way toward my children, oh, wait a second, hold on.

I am probably way more beloved than I have ever realized.

Oh, so much, especially I want to say that they're each stage of them being a child.

This was my new favorite stage because they would go through being cute and cuddly little babies and then they were toddlers that said the funniest things.

That was the phase where I remember just writing down a lot of things that I never, ever thought that I would say in a sentence.

For example, please do not put all the band-aids on the cat.

That is one that sticks out in my mind.

You had to specify not all the band-aids, maybe a couple?

Or like they literally took the whole box of the Costco pack and put them all in the cat.

The poor cat was a very long-suffering, sweet orange cat that had a very good soul.

Yeah, and then into teenagerhood and preadolescence and discovering who they were as human beings and watching their logical, rational thought come into play and learning how to ask them questions to help them think about what the answers might be and helping them discover the consequences of their actions that sometimes was heartbreaking.

And then now into, as we've launched them out of the house and they're both out now, more or less, there's always a space for them to come back.

They still have beds at our house.

And so as we've launched them out and then that longing that I have for them, I wonder if that's how God feels about us.

Oh, yeah.

Like anytime my kids call and they want to talk, everything else goes out the window.

Absolutely.

Whatever else I was doing, you can wait.

Pause.

My kid is calling from afar.

That's right.

Alert.

Everything else has to stop.

Yes.

Right.

And so I think that's really interesting.

So our kids certainly are not flawless human beings.

I am done with the word perfect.

I think it's done too much harm here.

So by perfect, we often mean have no flaws.

Okay.

So our children are not flawless.

They certainly err.

They certainly mess up royally.

They certainly cause problems that have to be cleaned up.

Okay.

But you and I have never once felt compelled to remind them of that, whatever, whatever mess they made and tie that to their identity.

And so like say when your child is little and she spills the milk all over the floor, then later that night, you don't walk in and be like, Hey, what's up, spiller?

Right?

Like that's not who she is at all.

She's your beloved daughter.

Exactly.

And your son maybe tracks mud into the house when he's little.

You're not like later, Hey, what's up, muddy foot?

Like, yeah.

What?

Why would we want to call ourselves something that reminds us that who we are is the bad things we do.

I don't know.

That's all.

I realize there are a lot of Christians who find a lot of joy and comfort in that prayer.

So I don't want to challenge that too hard or like put it down.

But for me, it just doesn't make sense to continually call myself something that I've never heard Jesus call me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I can see.

Yeah, I can see that.

And then to take that a step further, why do we call ourselves the worst names sometimes and remind like you were just saying we wouldn't tell say that to our children?

Yeah.

Why then would I go back and lay awake at night and not be able to sleep going over all of the mistakes that I've made in my head and calling myself all sorts of dumb names for the things that I've done wrong?

No, I choose joy.

Yeah.

I choose belovedness.

I choose the fact that I have been forgiven.

And I think I've heard people say then, what's the point then?

Christians can just sin and sin.

And then they just are like, it's like an eraser wipes the slate clean.

And then you're just free to go out and do it again.

And that might be another deeper conversation that we have another day.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, I've heard over the last couple of decades, I have heard the word beloved come out of your mouth so many times.

It's like the word over you.

I've heard you use the word beloved so many times in relation to really your own experience of yourself through God's eyes.

I have felt that about you.

I have just, as I've come up close to you in the conversations, I have just kind of known.

And in fact, we had that conversation in the hot tub about your true name, right?

Can you talk about how have you come to know you are so beloved?

Oh, I would love to.

I just felt, I think it was at a time when I was really, really low after a relationship or maybe in the midst of a relationship, I don't really clearly remember.

I just remember that I was very sad and I didn't see my own value.

And it was just something that was planted into my brain.

How do you not see your value?

You are my beloved.

And it just kept popping up in scripture.

And then it just kept feeling like so many parts of my life.

I would be asking God, I don't know what's next.

I don't have really a degree that I followed in my career.

I've kind of taken little bits and pieces throughout my life to be inquiring about, is this what I'm going to be when I grow up?

And I hadn't really found my space yet.

Not that that is my whole identity, but that's clearly a big part of someone's life.

And so was just kind of looking and feeling sad about maybe the fact that I didn't feel good enough to do certain things or that my voice was not allowed to be heard.

That I, the things that I had to say were not important or not relevant.

That certainly has been the case and have had to do a lot of work around that.

You know, my voice has value.

And it was like God kept saying, you are beloved here.

I have this gift for you because you are my beloved.

And so he would, whether it be a new job or a moment with my children or anything in between, a scripture that I would read or a conversation that I would have with you, it just kept coming up over and over.

And so then I also started taking, I went back to college for a little while and I started taking a foreign language class.

And my sister was in it with me.

So we were studying Italian and I remember asking the teacher, how do you say daughter of God in Italian?

And it's filia da dio.

And so beautiful.

And so I told you that and you said, but you need to put the word beloved in front of that.

Because I am a beloved daughter of God.

And oh, that was like a bell.

That was the moment in the hot tub.

Yeah, that was the bell going off in my head.

Like that is truth all the way down to my core.

I can feel that in my toenails.

And that is truly the essence of all of us, whether we are aware of it or not.

As children of God, however, that works cosmically, cosmologically, you know, we are made of the good stuff.

And in God's mind and heart, we are just so dearly beloved.

How have we lost sight of this to the point where, oh, we can't even see the goodness that is within us.

And it's not even about goodness really.

It's about like-

Being the channel.

Yeah, right?

And like when I think about embracing my children, I just want to squeeze them so tight till their little faces get squished.

What is that called?

Cuteness aggression?

They're so cute, you just want to squeeze up.

Because it's like, I just want to be as close to their heart as I can, because all the way through, they are good.

They are so, so, so good.

Yeah.

I find it interesting that you say that we had the beautiful opportunity yesterday to hang out with another dear friend.

At one point, we were sitting at a restaurant and I kept inching closer and closer to her because I really love quality time and physical touch.

We were doing the quality time thing by hanging out and I was getting closer and closer and finally she just grabbed my arm and yanked me up close to her and I said, oh good, you saw that I was trying to get as close to, as humanly possible to you and she's like, yeah, come on, juggle it up or something like that.

So it was just a beautiful thing and I think that it's the same thing with my kids.

I completely resonate with what you're saying, trying to just get them as close to my heart as possible so that they can maybe feel the physical embodiment of how much love I have pouring out of me.

I've also really recently discovered that I feel like this is like a weird superpower that I have.

I have been radiating that love out just into the universe.

My son is not in the state right now.

He's off doing his thing.

And so I have just been radiating that love across the country to where he is.

And just every once in a while, I'll check in with him.

You can feel it, right?

You can feel how loved you are.

Yeah, mom, I got it.

Okay, yeah.

And then even just sitting in the living room, looking at my husband, sometimes he'll do something that is somewhat annoying to me, as husbands do, and people who live in the same household with you, cohabiting is sometimes hard.

But I look at what he, you know, the thing that I'm annoyed about, and I look at his face, and I just remember, that's right.

I love him so much.

This thing is just not even a thing.

Right?

Not even a thing.

It's a non-thing.

Yeah, and I just, oh, it's like opening up my heart.

I wish you guys could see my hands.

I open up my heart, and I just radiate that complete love to him.

And he'll often feel it.

He'll stop what he's doing and look at me and get that grin that only I get.

I love it.

Yeah.

So good.

So how would it be if we could do that to the rest of the world?

And I think we've started on that journey.

We take every opportunity possible to speak to strangers, to lift them up, you more so than I.

You're a little braver than I am.

I tend to be in the background and just kind of watch, you know, and goes out and does her beautiful thing.

And I'm kind of I'm like the bodyguard sometimes in the background, just kind of walking, watching to make sure everybody's okay.

And nobody's going to come bother you while you're doing your work, whatever hard work it is that you're doing with another human being.

Or I'm just listening and I'm observing because that's how I keep.

That's how I retain those stories and tell the stories again.

What a beautiful thing.

Which, by the way, you all can't know this, but Serena is a story library.

So if you have the privilege to walk with her for decades, she will randomly remind you of things that you have done or said almost word for word years and years ago that exemplify who you are in the world.

So it's really great to have that.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, okay, here's something.

I don't know if I've even told you about this.

I found a song on, I think, Spotify.

It showed up in my feed called See the Love.

Okay.

And it's by, I believe it's by The Brilliance, but please somebody like fact check this.

So I use it in meditation a lot.

I'm not super like every single day I do this thing.

I'm not that disciplined or religious.

I don't think I ever will be.

Maybe I will.

So I do this often, where I play this song, and the lyrics are all about looking for the love that is all around, even these other people that we would call enemies, right?

And seeing the love that is around them, and the lyrics never get here, but we know in them too, right?

Like they are also houses of love, whether or not they're acting like it, whether or not they're conscious of it, even the people who are acting against us.

And so I first started this practice.

There is a person in my life who has been a source of pain and difficulty.

And so I first sat down to meditate while listening to these words about him and seeing the love all around him.

And then little by little, I was like, oh, I could expand this outward into the world.

And I tell you what, some really amazing things have happened since I started doing that.

And I think there's something unseen.

We don't have language for this point in human history, where when we do choose to see the love, I think things are unlocked.

100 percent.

Right?

And hearts are able to receive, whereas before they've been closed, I don't know how this all works, but I have seen this enough times.

And here's an example of why our words matter.

I've shared this story before.

I think I wrote a blog about it.

So I had this student once.

He was a high school junior.

And the high school I was working for had him on the gang watch list.

Like, they were pretty suspicious that he was probably in a gang.

And he was in my remedial, remedial English class.

It turns out he had not done anything in high school, had very few credits to his name.

And he was, so they were, the administration was keeping their eye on him.

Well, one day I was walking past his desk and he was doodling in his journal and he had really cool handwriting.

And it was kind of graffiti style handwriting.

And I just commented to him.

And for this story, we'll call him Marius.

So I was like, hey, Marius, you have great handwriting.

Right.

So I just saw this great thing about him, called it out.

And the look on his face, I don't know how long it had probably been since a teacher had ever called him out for something good, but he beamed immediately.

Right.

And went back to doing his drawing.

And I did a couple more intentional passing by his desk and noticing something good about him, speaking it out loud.

And then that kid began to work for me.

He just, he would, and I was in this tiny little classroom, cramped in.

I had 12 or so students.

Everybody had real behavior problems and difficulties with education, but I could get Marius to work.

So one day I had a meeting during class, and so my substitute comes in and poor thing, she took one look at what was happening in the classroom, because I had already started it.

She walks in, and she looks like deer in the headlights, like, Oh, I don't know that these people are going to respect me at all.

Right?

So I had written instructions on the board and told everyone what to expect.

And I introduced her.

And as I walked out of the classroom, I passed Marius' desk and said low enough that only he could hear and my substitute could hear.

And I said, by the way, this student is a really good worker.

You will see great things from him in this class period.

You just watch.

And then I left.

Genius.

So I came back and it was like a scene out of, like, I don't know, Saved by the Bell or something, some comedy, right?

Where the substitute has lost the classroom.

And there are paper airplanes flying and people are sitting on desk and no one is working except for Marius.

And he is there finishing up the assignment in his beautiful handwriting, in his notebook.

And I looked over his shoulder and I looked at the sub, and I was like, I told you so.

This kid works.

And he just like, the rest of that quarter, he would come in to my classroom at lunch and he didn't have any food.

And so I would like share my tofu brown rice with him.

He's like, thank you.

And he was hungry enough.

He was like, not gonna, you know, not gonna spur in that, but I, I continue to return to that story when I'm in the conversation with people who are like, no, I need to call myself sinner.

I'm like, had I called him any name reflecting his bad actions, that's who he would have shown himself to be.

But I called him goodness and he proved me right.

So I think there is something so powerful when either in words or just the eyes of our heart, we see the love in other people, we see their goodness, they're made of good stuff-ness.

And we focus our attention on that.

And then we do see them prove us right.

We call it out in a way that they understand.

And we use words are a superpower.

Yeah.

They really are.

Yeah.

You can really transform.

As you were talking about that, I had a memory of one time I was working with my son on something really difficult.

And I remember hearing somewhere, probably in a book, that instead of saying, what's wrong with you, when you have a problem that's continuing to happen over and over again, you say, you know, you give your family name.

So we, we do, we show up, you know, so say they're having a hard time being on time for appointments, you know, we family name, we show up, because it's really important.

We would like people to show up for us.

So what's the barrier that's holding you back from showing up on time or, you know, fill in the blank for any scenario, we work hard.

We don't ever just show up and do the lip service of, oh, yeah, I'm working and not devoting your energy and your effort into it, because that's, it's robbing yourself and it's robbing the people that you're supposed to be helping.

So using words as those superpowers.

And I remember the look on his face was just so, he comprehended that completely and that changed his attitude from that moment on.

Right?

Before we had been working through punishments.

What's wrong with you?

Let me fix it.

Yeah, exactly.

Or, you know, you did this thing again, and now we're going to take away this privilege.

But as soon as we started talking about, you are a part of this family and we in this family, we show up.

We work hard.

We do our best all the time.

And you know what?

If your best isn't perfect, that's fine.

Yeah, because it's your best.

And if you still, let's say, don't pass the test or don't understand the knowledge, that's okay, because you still showed up and gave it your best shot.

And then then what do you do after that?

Then you go figure out, okay, maybe I wasn't aware of, you know, what all the material was to take that test.

So let's try again.

Yeah, let's.

But let's not try in the same method that we already have.

Let's ask for help and see if we can figure it out in a way that makes sense in our brains.

What a huge turning point in his life.

Yeah, absolutely.

I learned this watching my grandfather.

Okay.

He's where I think in my family lineage this started.

And so he would tell people what's good about them and then watch them prove him right over and over.

Right?

So I remember this so clearly when I was maybe a nine, ten year old child.

He told me about this.

Like he made it his point to specifically instruct me on, like, this is how we do this, right?

And so he's like, okay, Ann, he's the only other person in the world that's ever called me Ann.

You and Jer and my grandpa.

He goes, Ann, I want to tell you about this gas station that I go to.

He had this like route that he would drive for work.

And he was like, so at this gas station, and this is back in the days when they were like, everybody would pump your gas.

Do they still do that in Oregon?

They can, or you can pump your own.

I like it when they do so much.

Okay, so back in these days, he would drive up, oh, you want to do that for me?

Yes, I will sit in my car.

So he would drive up and he said, this gas station continued to have employees who did not want to be there and showed it very much by their posture and language and facial expressions.

And so he decided to do a little experiment.

So he rolled in one day, pulled in, rolled down his window, and the disgruntled worker comes up, what can I get for you?

And my grandpa, he full-on lies to the guy.

He's like, you know, I love coming to get my gas here.

Of course he did.

And the guy's like, what?

And he goes, I get cared for so well, you all are so attentive.

And like, there's a voice in my head like, but that's lying, that's nuts.

But he was, it was like he was forecasting or like predicting because this happened.

So he goes on and on, like for a few minutes about what great service and everybody's always so cheerful and he feels really well respected and they're doing a great job with customer service.

And would you please tell your boss, I'm so pleased to come and get my gas tank filled up here.

And the guy like visibly posture changes, right, straightens up, face brightens, bounce in his step, fills up the gas tank.

Here you go, sir.

And then like, I think my grandpa probably did this a couple different times with a couple different workers.

But he said, and over the time that I would go to that gas station over a few months, it changed the whole environment.

Like, they began to embody what I told them was true about them.

They began to serve me the way I told them was so good that they served me.

And it was a pleasure to go there.

And I watched him do this too.

And in one of the churches where we moved to a new town, and it was kind of a depressed church where there wasn't a lot of joy, and he would get up front and just open his heart and beam at people, open his face and beam, and then pretty soon that church became like a really warm, welcoming place to come.

So, yeah, you know, he's no longer with us.

Love you and miss you, Paka.

Yeah, this is where I learned this, and then I guess I've learned it so much from my friendship with you over the years.

We've kind of experimented with this and found that it's really true.

It is.

And I talk to my kids all the time about, you know, you see the typical customer service interaction where you get the person who comes in and they're so upset about something and they want to tell everyone off and ask for the manager and rant and rave about how bad the customer service is.

And we talk all the time.

In fact, my kids are tired of hearing me talk about this.

That's how you know you're doing it, right?

That's right.

About how, you know, your power of words and also the choices that you make are the thing that you have control over.

If the store is out of whatever, you can't control that.

But you can control how you thank the person for taking you to the spot on the aisle where it was supposed to be and saying, you know what?

That's all right.

Thank you for taking the time to walk me here.

So we talk about the choice of your actions.

And if you want five star customer service, you have to be a five star customer.

Oh, wait, say that one more time because that needs highlighting.

So if you want five star customer service, you need to be a five star customer.

Yeah.

And this dawned on me, I want to say, right around the time that we took our first Airbnb trip and booked an Airbnb back when it was kind of in its babyhood, and we could rate the host and they did a great job.

Yeah.

And then they rated us.

Yeah.

Oh, we left the place clean.

Because that's what I do.

And we, you know, were respectful and wow, what a, how affirming is that?

This person, and then they said, we would allow them to stay here again anytime.

That's right.

I am a nice human being that likes to leave a place clean and make a good imprint on this world.

And then that just kind of started trickling out into everything else.

And then, you know, where I worked in Senior Living, that had an opportunity to be tested and refined and reformed daily.

As we had all sorts of different customers that would come through, whether it be the people that live there or the vendors that come through the door, or the family members, whether they come daily or not daily, the staff members who are also their customers getting to know what each person likes, what their preferences are, how they like to be communicated with.

It's like a big game.

And because I am competitive and like to win, I was winning at that game.

I'm winning at the five-star customer game, which is kind of a fun way to look at it, right?

Oh, my goodness.

I would tell my children all the time, like, oh, if I could go back and reparent you from the beginning with all the things that I have learned now in this wisdom, that would be a really fun game.

Like, hey, toddlers, we're going to go to the grocery store.

What kind of service do we want?

One, two, three, four or five-star?

Oh, we want five-star service?

We're going to have to be five-star customers.

Exactly.

Who's got some ideas of what that looks like and how we're going to get this service?

Yeah.

Wow.

So you're telling me that we are, as a general rule, and of course, there's always exceptions and I don't mean to paint anyone into the box, that we get out of our experiences, what energy we put into our experiences?

Shocking.

What was that movie?

It had to do with time, where he could go into the closet and-

About time.

Yes.

Close his mind.

Oh my gosh.

Close the door and then go back in time.

And then I remember the line that stuck with me was, I would go through my day and I would live it as normal, and then I would go back and try to experience everything in the best way possible.

And then I got to the point where I was experiencing it the best way possible the first time.

And I didn't have to go back.

Oh, mind blown.

Right.

Yes.

I can do that.

I have the power to do that.

Yes.

And that movie is in my head.

I have watched it so many times and it has embedded itself into my philosophy.

And I think about that several times a week actually.

What if I had this superpower or what if in the future I discover it, right?

What if it becomes available to go back and relive an experience?

And what if I have just come back to this day because I want to experience today again?

So moving forward, which is currently all I know how to do in time, let me be present, aware, live with an open heart, with the expectation that things will probably work out even when I'm in situations that are out of my control.

But expecting good things to come anyway just sets me up for a better experience in my day-to-day life.

Exactly.

Someone, it might have been you, said that, my embodiment is that I walk into every situation expecting the best thing to happen.

Yeah, that was me.

And I agree with that because for one of the same reasons that I have hope and faith in a God that I have never physically seen, but that I can feel.

And someone asked me this the other day, it might have been my husband.

And he said, what if there is no God?

And you're just hoping for something that doesn't exist.

And I said, that's fine with me, because I would rather live in a space of hope and faith and belovedness, even if it's my own brain telling me that I'm beloved and nothing else.

You're telling me that story.

My kids are telling me that story that I'm beloved.

I choose to live in that space, rather than a space of believing that we get this one life, and that's all there is, and it's sad, and it's pointless, because of look at all the bad things in the world.

No, I can pick and choose to have joy and kindness and resilience in every situation, and that makes each day the best.

It totally does.

Yeah.

It totally does.

Yeah.

In fact, within the last six months, there was a situation where there was a someone who was going to come in and levy some pretty heavy fines on us.

Okay.

At work.

At work, yeah.

Yep.

And there was some problems that needed to be done, and there were some things that needed to be cleaned, and not a lot of people showed up to clean, but I did, because that's what I do.

You're a manager, and managers go to work.

Yes, and they show up for their team, and that's not to toot my own horn at all.

I just want to illustrate the point of someone came by, and they saw me doing a task that was really not very fun.

The big joke, you having fun doing that, Serena?

I turned around and I said, yes, I am, actually, because I am excited to see what this place looks like when I'm done cleaning it.

I'm excited to see you guys be able to keep this ball rolling, keep it clean, and take pride in, and you could just see them.

The look on their face was like, wait, I have a choice to have fun doing the really menial tasks.

Yeah.

Oh.

Yeah.

I never thought about that before.

Right?

Yeah.

Huh.

And I think this all goes back, like this is where my mind wants to tie together all of these threads.

I think that you are able to do that, like see the good in a really messy, gross situation.

I think that is because you know you are beloved.

Probably.

And so I think that's where this is all rooted.

Okay.

So I have this idea.

I didn't think about this earlier, but, you know, surprise.

So we were at a poetry reading last night.

I was just thinking about that.

Oh, were you?

Tell me what you were thinking about.

I have a poem that I forgot about that I wrote to Abby that I would love to share.

Okay.

You do your thing first.

Well, I have one to share too.

Oh, okay.

So everyone knows.

I got this email.

I'm on some list, right?

And they're like, come to this poetry reading.

Okay.

I've gotten this email for months and months, and it's always on a night that I can't go.

But last night, I was like, I think we should go.

So the three of us decide to go.

It's really shady getting there.

You feel like you are maybe going someplace and you will never come back out.

The instructions for how to get into this, it's an artist's studio, like buried deep within the bowels of this weird building.

So sketchy.

But we walked in and we've received such a warm reception and sat around and feasted on poetry.

So yeah, that's what made me think of offering this, was the poetry reading we went to last night.

So why don't you read your poem first, and then I'll close this out with mine.

I think they probably are going to sum up for us a whole lot of things.

What's your poem called?

Um, it is called My Daughter.

My Daughter.

Or just Daughter, sorry.

Just Daughter.

And I have one for my son as well.

Yes.

But my, my one for my daughter was the one that keeps ruminating in my, in my head.

Okay.

Your sweet hand reaches for mine, same as it has since you were small.

Comforted, we drive in silence for a while, until you remember yet another detail to share about the boy that you like.

Watching you talk, my heart swells.

When it's you and me, you are you and I am me.

And we give each other permission to just be us.

Honest, silly, klutzy, full of life us.

My daughter, my friend, my heart is so full of love.

Sometimes I think it might explode.

There's so much joy and pride and love, all bursting at the seams.

And I am so blessed to be your mama.

You have my whole heart, which somehow means there is more.

I love you so.

Yeah.

And remembering that we are each beloved in the way that your heart loves your daughter.

That's the best.

And then, to take this outward as far as it goes, I think this is what Jesus means when he says, love your enemies.

I don't have the capacity within me to love the people who are causing evil things and suffering and so cruel.

But if I can remember that that part that is in your daughter is in each person, and they are each beloved, then I don't have room for hatred if I can see that.

So I think that's how we follow Jesus in every way when he says, love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you, bless those who curse you.

Okay, it's a lot easier if we can see the belovedness in them to do that.

I do want to say it doesn't happen overnight, and it's not like you can just say, oh, I choose to love everyone, and then you get this, maybe some people do, that certainly has not been my experience, just this kind of like whitewash slate in your mind where you're like, okay, great, now I love everyone.

Done.

Check.

You were talking earlier about a person that you had struggled with.

Yeah.

And I forgot that I was going to say that I have seen the changes in the peace in your heart because of that work that you have done, and the peace in their heart.

Uh-huh.

So it actually works.

It really does.

It's challenging.

And when we say works, literally, you have to work towards it.

Yep.

But, oh, it's such a beautiful thing to witness.

I have been very impressed by that whole journey.

That, I'm glad you know who I'm talking about.

We don't need to name him.

You're right.

And I love that you mentioned, this doesn't happen overnight.

You can't just like strong arm yourself into feeling love for other people.

But in my experience, and I know this is true in yours, too, it has started when I have accepted this about myself and sat with it and reveled in my belovedness, then suddenly it has been easier to see that in other people.

So maybe we should like go around and calling everyone beloved.

Yeah, instead of sinner.

Yeah.

Just start putting that in the thing.

Lord Jesus, have mercy on me, a sinner.

I actually did rewrite that prayer a little.

Yeah, it's someplace I can't find it right now.

But yes, it does end with your beloved, who is learning.

I was just going to say, have mercy on me, a learner.

I'm not done.

Okay.

Thank you.

So in closing, I want to read this poem that I wrote for my eighth grade students who were graduating.

I had had them as seventh graders, and then they invited me to come and be their commencement speaker.

And I wrote this poem for them, but it's also for all people.

And so if you're listening and you're like, I need to connect with this place in myself where I am truly beloved, where I can know that about myself, then this poem is expressly for you.

When I tell you, you are beloved, it's not a lie.

In fact, it's the truest truth I know.

But how can she say she loves me?

Many the cynic wants to know.

She doesn't even know me, not really.

Ah, dear one, listen closely, listen in.

While it may be that there is much of you I do not know, while you may have dark corners and hidden crooks, while there may be deeds or traits or longings, you would never express aloud to me, nor perhaps anyone.

It is not simply I who do the loving, not me in the small sense contained here in this frame.

When I say you are beloved, I don't just mean I care about you in a sentimental way.

I mean, dear, that there is love eternal, love universal.

No matter what name you might give it or not, it loves on.

And this love holds you dear, knows you perfectly, sees you, cradles you, wants you, adores you.

This love does not want to change your essence.

In fact, it desires you to be more you than ever.

Be you, love declares, be free.

Yes, beloved, be you, be free.

I am so glad you are here.

I'm so glad you're here.

Likewise.

Thank you.

I love you with everything that I am.

Oh, I love you, too.

Well, beloveds, there you have it.

In case you need that reminder today, I hope by now you're convinced of how wildly beloved you truly are.

If your heart is stirred and you're thinking you'd like more, you can reach Serena on Instagram.

Her handle is at Serena Doing Life, or you can email her at hello at serenadoinglife.com.

Thank you so much for listening.

Let's connect.

I'm always happy to hear from my listeners and readers.

You can find me at barelychristianfullychristian.com.

And now for more of my favorite song by Wynn Doran and Paul Craig, please enjoy Banks of Massachusetts.